Electric Grandmother

Download the new Electric Grandmother album Listening Party for fuckin’ FREE from Infinite Number of Sounds Recording Company!

It’s free, so go for it!

Check it out right here!

Hey everybody, check out a phone interview I did on Tuesday, February 23rd with Pat Leonard of Local Pop Radio Hour.  We discuss the new EG album Listening Party, and he plays 4 songs off of it before and after the chitty-chatter.

Hear it right here!  (EG stuff starts at about 42:30 of the podcast)

New album released on March 6th!

Thursday, February 25th
9PM
Frontstage 101 will be playing some tunes from the new EG album Listening Party
101.1 FM Columbus
Online Stream anywhere in the Universe

Ok, so here’s what I have going on as of right now:

March 6th – Columbus – The Treehouse (Album Release show)
March 13th – Cleveland – Bela Dubby (Album Release show)
March 20th – Canton – Old Glory
April 3rd – Pittsburgh – Howler’s Coyote Cafe
April 23rd – Saginaw, MI – White’s Bar *CANCELED*
May 9th – Cincinnati – Rohs Street Cafe

There’s likely more to come.  And of course, back in Columbus on May 29th at the Treehouse for the FAT GIRLS BY THE SNACK TABLE REUNION SHOW!  OMG RIOT GRRRL 69 4U!!!

So, if you know anybody outside of the ‘bus who would want to come out for an evening, tell ‘em that there’s going to be free cake at this gigs.  (By “cake” I mean CDs, but cake is generally more popular and sought after).

THE OLYMPICS!!!

…named Matthew Osborn.  Don’t worry, he’s still alive – just not around.

This man, for lack of better description, is “good at life.”  He manages much better than the ordinary citizen.  His story lies in his new website, Real Cheap Food.  If you ever find yourself penniless and without hope, this website will guide you to a new beginning.

This is a non-paying endorsement, as Mr. Osborn (or “Mosborn” as he is known in certain circles) has nothing to give but a vast field of knowledge and survival skills.  This man will fight a moose in the street, if only for the life experience.

Find yourself…

This is the graphic of the inside CD tray:

And here is the track listing for Listening Party:

Listening Party
My Neighbors
Purple Shit
Dinosaurs
England-Man American
She’s Trouble!
A Man Called ZZ Top
Piece of Poo
New Coke Rap
September 15, 1987
Ukraine Sexy Girls
Bob and Richie Go to Mexico
Guyliner
The Alexvanderpoolera!

14 songs, clocks in at just under 25 minutes.  Hit it and quit!

I’m very proud to be releasing this CD & Digital Album with Infinite Number of Sounds Recording Company. If you’re not familiar with INS Rec Co, they digitally reissued the 5 prior EG releases on their record label.  They are great, just like you!  Browse the site, pick up some free digital albums.  Or give us money for them, no argument there.

I’m so damn confused
I have no idea what the hell to do
I’m so fucked in the head
I have no idea whether I’m alive or dead
Chop up a fish
Blow up a car
Can’t turn back
‘Cause I’ve gone too far
I’m confused as hell
I think I’m insane
Those motherfuckers think we’re all the same 
They put me down
I say “Oh well”
If you don’t like it, you can go to hell
The hell that is called Planet Smell

In a strange twist, Balloon Boy’s mom has decided to side against her husband with Balloon Boy, which is pretty bizarre.  It’s difficult to wrap your head around why someone would admit to perpetrating a so-called hoax, when it it was simply a matter of a child misbehaving.  In other words, Balloon Boy’s mom has officially taken the blame instead of having Balloon Boy be held accountable for his actions.

Well, fuck Balloon Boy extra now.  This poor woman, the same person who forced Balloon Boy’s ungrateful demon head through her birth canal, is now being sold down the river by that six-year old sack of shit.  

Say goodbye to your home (pictured below), Balloon Boy.  Say goodbye to the warmth of your black sweatshirt (also below).  Most importantly, say goodbye to the barn you decided to hide in (not pictured).  Good night, Irene.  Burn the flag.

Hey Mr. Plastic
Why do you conform?
Is it because it’s the norm?
Or is it because of society?
Don’t you even lie to me
Because I can see your invisible eyes
And is no surprise
That you’re the one I despise
Mr. Plastic
You and your wretched friends
Don’t even want to pretend
That you even really exist
So give your wife a kiss
In your mansion in suburbia
But I am impervious to your control
And I doubt you’ll ever see the whole
Photograph of your soul
Mr. Plastic

You think we want your table scraps?
You can keep them, you dicka-licka
Glad all you important eaters got to eat
We’re so grateful for your leftover piss salad
Ya stupid a-hole
Fight the power
You can’t bring me down, clown
I’ll watch you choke on your champagne
Mr. Suit Man
Keep your leftovers
I’ll set them on fire for you
You do not want my pain
Because I am insane
And you’re just a stain

I heard from Weird Paul that Rue McClanahan suffered a minor stroke recently.  I don’t know how he does it, but he always is the first to tell me any pressing Golden Girls news.

Hopefully she’ll have a full recovery, seeing as how the stroke was minor.  In honor of Rue, I scanned my personalized autographed 8×10 glossy she gave me at the mall in 1998.  The recent passing of my personal fav Bea Arthur leaves only two surviving gold gals.  In double honor of Rue and Betty, here once again is Miami Is Nice.

Here is a new song called Peegaze that will end up being an outtake from my upcoming March 2010 album Listening Party.  

“Peegaze” is a genre of music I invented recently.   It’s like Shoegaze music, but it sounds like pee.  You’ll only understand this song if you live in Columbus.  Partly why the song doesn’t really belong on the album.

Well, I hope you’re all happy as pigs in shit.  Balloon Boy’s parents are going to jail, and it’s all because you fuckfaces would not believe the most logical explanation:

They thought he was in the balloon.

Whatever, it doesn’t really matter all that much.  If I know Bill and Rhonda like I think I do, this adversity will only strengthen their resolve to make the truth be known.  Meanwhile, little Falcon’s plan worked to perfection – get the parents out of the way so that he can go hide in the barn again and scare us all half to death.  If kids today would just stop and smell the roses, they would realize that without parents they wouldn’t have the milk or clothing to survive in this world.

Once Balloon Boy’s parents get out of jail, I imagine that they will go to great measures to make sure Falcon stops acting out.  Once a child is able to manipulate their parents in such a manner, it isn’t long before they’re tricking firemen to drive out to their house for no good reason.  We can only hope for the best.

EG is gonna get revved up again here soon, starting with a Columbus album release show on Saturday,  March 6th.  Guess where? The next Saturday, March 13th, will mark an album release show in Cleveland at Bela Dubby.  Even though the lovely Mary Alice! usually only does her image projection in the ‘bus, she is always up for traveling to project/see old friends in the fuckin’ C-L-E.

Saturday, April 3rd marks the return of EG to Pittsburgh with a brand new road projectionist, the lovely Derek Stewart.  He’ll not only be projecting, but also showcasing his art.  The hope then is to keep doing more road shows as a unit.  If it doesn’t work out, my next step will be to go door-to-door selling videos of myself naked, rolling around in ice cream while being spanked by an attractive man.

That’s all for now.  I had a longer version of this post, but it got deleted somehow.  I poured out my feelings and everything.  Meh, not really, I just talked about how it was weird to be alone in the dark.  Long story.

I recently realized the MPee3 version of “Miami is Nice” that I had uploaded to the site was not the version off The Stenographer, but rather an early demo version.  I just now replaced it with the correct album version.  So a bunch of very lucky people got to hear a version of the song that was never supposed to see the light of day.  VERY lucky.

The real version: Miami is Nice

It’s also listed on the MPee3 page in a font that doesn’t match the rest of the song titles. I don’t know how to fix it.

This is your loving grandmother speaking.  I have to once again address the keywords that you typed into the search engine that made you arrive at this site.  Shame shame, everyone knows your name.  How do you think that makes me feel, dear?  It makes me feel sad and sick all over.  It’s like you kicked me in the face with a skinhead’s steel-toed combat boot.  What would your mother say?  I don’t understand this interweb stuff. What are all these inappropriate pictures of grandmothers doing on this small television screen? Oh dear me.  You make sure to behave for now on, Billy.

So I know it’s been a little quiet around here in EG land as of late, but that’s going to change semi-soonish.  I’m in the process of finishing up a new album which is scheduled for release in March 2010.  There will be regional release shows around that there time to celebrate said album, which will be entitled Listening Party.  I’ll have more exciting and breathtaking details soon.  So hold on to your glasses, Poindexter!

Ok, so as of December 2009 the monthly series “Single of the Month” has become “Pilots and Reruns.”  (I know the section says “Reruns and Pilots” right now, I told my webmaster Brent the wrong thing).  But anyhoo, the idea here is to mix it up a little, and not end up with a series of demos (or “Pilots”) that will ruin the concept of a future album release. It’s interesting stuff, I know…

So in the spirit of the holiday season, this month’s “Rerun” (make sense?) is a song called “The First Day of Christmas” off my 2004 album Sin City Sex Mix. Take care of business.