Chiptune Weasel

swcan Here is yet ANOTHER collaboration between The Electric Grandmother and the great Dan Pantzig, a chiptune cover a song by Screeching Weasel called Supermarket Fantasy. Dan is the genius behind the chiptune tune, I just added some vocal icing there. Download: Supermarket Fantasy

Being That Boy

teenboy Have I ever mentioned before that I was a scrawny, nerdy looking kid?  Well, I was. Even after entering my teens, it didn't occur to me that I could do anything to improve my appearance.  I'm the same way as an adult in my mid-30s, I'm completely oblivious to the idea that I can change anything in my life for the better. I'll go months, sometimes years before realizing that I could have been doing something different to improve a situation, and it's often times glaringly obvious what it was.  But anyhoo... I was never "that boy," the boy to be considered a romantic interest.  I was always too small and weird, I never even considered it a possibility.  Once I had a friend ask me how many "pretend girlfriends" I had growing up.  I told him that I had zero.  He restated his question, specifying that he meant, "For one day, you ask a girl out, she says yes, you're boyfriend and girlfriend, and the next day it means nothing."  I told him that I knew exactly what he meant the first time, and that I had never had any.  He seemed genuinely surprised and sympathetic.  I supposed having one or two of them would have been nice.  But anyhoo... Around the time I was 14, aided by the help of peers telling me that I should have more respect for myself and my appearance, I began to think of myself as a regular human being. I had begun growing a little bit, ditched my glasses for contact lenses, and got a better haircut.  The dividends of my efforts finally paid off one day when I was walking by myself in the dearly departed Randall Park Mall.  A dad was walking with his daughter and son, and he nudged his daughter while motioning towards me, as in "Hey, there's a boy for ya," and she proceeded to give her dad a playful "shut up" slap on his leg.  The girl looked a couple years younger than me, but I didn't care. I'd never been "that boy" before.  For them, that memory is no doubt forgotten in time, but it meant a lot to me, damn it.  You never know what you might do to make someone feel good about themselves.


  rejected1 Here is a song that I made for Joe Moore to use as a theme to his comedy night - it got rejected.  Joe has advised me that he would prefer the song be more about the show, and not as much about him, because "I would feel a little weird having it as the theme for the show, because it would be like gratuitously complimenting myself."  He also advised me that there is someone named Roger is the "star of the show," so the song makes very little sense. I plan on making another theme song that does not just heap praise upon Joe.  Joe did say that he liked the song, and that it should be shared. So here it is. Guilty Pleasures Theme Song (Rejected)

Michael Jordan

  mj Here it is, albeit one day late, the demo of the brand new song Michael Jordan.  It's timely, because we're going to our first Washington Wizards basketball game on Wednesday night, and they're playing the Charlotte Bobcats.  And who is the primary owner of the Bobcats?  That's right, it's one Mr. Michael Jordan.  We did this on purpose.  We assume he's going to be in the owner's box, cheering us on. Pump this shit loud: Michael Jordan


  Screen Shot 2014-03-07 at 8.38.31 PM I was a very nervous and anxious child.  Like, really bad.  Sometimes adulthood can be a real challenge. When I was maybe 10 years old or so, this beer commercial (see below) featuring Elvira came on while I was watching TV with my dad.  At one point during the commercial (:14), Elvira says "It's like Deja Vu," and then there's a quick screen wipe, and she repeats herself.  For some reason this threw me into a panic, and I turned to my dad and asked frantically "WHAT MONSTER DID THAT?!?"  My dad, confused and annoyed, said something like "I don't know, it's just silliness!" (How my dad talks) Couple of things here - I didn't understand what "deja vu" meant, and I presumed what had happened to Elvira was something supernatural, which I already had an illogical fear of. Second, in my frenzied panic I didn't know how to express my question, so I asked my dad what "monster" could have done that.  For the record, my dad would have no idea about the monster. images

Flight (2012)

inverted-plane-flight Flight is about the story of a man who drank and flew an airplane upside down.  He did it so they wouldn't crash.  But then the people who were trying to help him got mad, because he was drunk while he did it.  They had breakfast together to talk about the airplane, and they got more mad.  Then the man started drinking again.  He went to his cabin, and he got rid of all his drugs.  There was a woman from before, and they drank and had sex in his chair.  That woman was from the hospital with the man in the stairwell. Later, the woman decided she didn't want to go with him, so she left him a note and left.  Then the man kept getting drunk, and tried to decide what to do.  They had a funeral for the girl he was sleeping with at the beginning.  At the funeral, he tried to tell the other woman what to do, and she got mad.  The man wanted to fly his small plane, but he couldn't.  They kept talking about how no one else could've flown the plane upside down.  The man was mad, because he said the plane had never worked. Later, the man got really drunk by accident, and the people who were trying to help him called another man to bring drugs.  The man did the drugs, and he was fine.  He went to talk, and decided he didn't want to lie anymore, and he decided to go jail.  In conclusion, at the end of  the movie the man told the other people about how he had lied, and his son came to visit.

Music Venue

dive-bar-sign-300x279 Award Winning Facebook Post - Archived I'm going to open my own music venue here in DC, here are my instructions for booking shows, please follow them accordingly: * Please secure 4 local bands that are guaranteed to draw 75-500 people each. Please understand that we are a business, and we need to pay the bills just like you. * We receive approximately 25,000 booking inquiries per hour, we can only answer 2 of them per day. Please be patient with us. * Before you even think of booking a show, you must come down to my venue and pretend to like me for approximately 6 hours per week over the course of 8 weeks. (The weeks don't have to be consecutive) If I don't get to know you, I can't trust you to play my club that holds between 30-50 people. * We don't have a functional website, so it's up to you to advertise your show. * Browse our website to see what kind of music we host. If you can't guess what we're looking for or fit into our club's philosophy, your inquiry will be ignored. * We host ALL genres, except Punk, Hardcore, Metal, Indie, Emo, Hip-Hop, Screamo, Thrash, Country, Folk, Reggae, and EDM. * We're really close to an Elementary School, so your set needs to be done by 10:30 PM. * You'll get paid 20% of the door, minus the fee for the sound guy, doorman, bartender, and use of our PA. * When emailing, put in the subject Line: "ATTN: Booking guy, I love you, please help, 1+95%6." If you do not use the language/code provided, your inquiry will be ignored. * Please do not play any shows within a 100 mile radius to our club three months prior to your show. * We generally book nine months in advance. * No calls or emails, you must fax a band photo/press kit/musical samples by mail. Please allow six months for your music to be reviewed. * If you email me a .zip file, I will crack your skull. Streaming samples only, please. We'll see ya soon!


Tonight's show in Baltimore was shitcanned due to weather, we'll hopefully reschedule soon. 1901320_2464063212216_611779314_n

Two shows coming up!

Two shows here, over here!  February 4th at the Velvet Lounge in DC, February 12th at the Sidebar in Baltimore! vl balt

The Computer

Apple_iigs This is one I've actually been sitting on for many months now, and it seems appropriate to share it now due to the arrival of our new computer. It's called The Computer, appropriately enough.  The idea came about when I recalled a time when I called a friend's house, and (I'm about 80% sure) his dad left a voice greeting where he said, "THIS IS THE COMPUTER, WE ARE NOT AT HOME" (or something) in a nasally, 80's computer-like voice, reminiscent of V.I.C.K.I.  So essentially, the song is about an 80's computer taking over your body and soul.  Make sense?  Mary Alice thinks the song is possibly a bit too close to The Internet, but I don't give a hell.  I like it, and it's all vocoder, so that's cool. Download now! ---->>> The Computer

Frozen Danny

NEW EG single with video, a Full House inspired Christmas song for Jon Dowling's Production Procedures Productions Xmas compilation. Take a gander!

The Candy Grab

Candy Grass While waiting for the subway this morning, I had to wait for the second train that passed, because the first was dangerously full.  It's an all too familiar sight here in DC, the trains being unsafely stuffed with riders due to various kinds of delays.  While waiting for the second train, I had one of my flashbacks... ********* Aurora Ohio, c. 1982/1983 I grew up on a lake that had a marina nearby, and often times people/organizations would hold special events there.  One summer when I was very young (I'm estimating 4 0r 5 years old) I was at one of these events, and a group of lifeguards planned a "candy grab" for the kids, where they planned to throw pieces of candy all over the grass, and you get the idea. I'm not sure how many kids were participating, but it couldn't have been too many.  Once the lifeguards threw the candy, everyone went batshit crazy, or at least that's how I remember it. It was my first lesson in aggressive behavior - every time I reached for a piece of candy, some other kids hand would appear and snatch it away.  I remember this one girl with pigtails specifically pissing me off because she was getting a real haul.  When the dust settled, I was left with two pieces of candy, one yellow and one red. I remember the candy being mostly yellow, which doesn't seem that great to begin with. While we were standing around comparing candy notes, this even younger boy in a red bathing suit started to cry because he was too slow to get any candy.  Since I was standing next to him, I was encouraged to share.  I gave him the red piece of candy, because his bathing suit was red.  I wouldn't have minded sharing so much, except that I knew the other kids had WAY more candy to give away than I did, my older sister included.  When I got home, I remember angrily staring at the mountain of yellow candy in my sister's room.  I thought of the girl with the pigtails, and how I hated her greedy fucking guts... ********* When the second train arrived, I made it my business to shove my way on to the car.  I'm all about helping others whenever possible, but at the same time, fuck you.  You people already have a ton of candy, I want to keep my damn piece.  I don't know if this is directly applicable to the candy memory, but I was entertained.

Thursday at the Velvet Lounge!

Last gig of the year, but we're coming back strong in '14! fl

Make a Joyful Noise is here!

  1378036_10152602664002366_1540506451_n LOOK! Click here to download! Can also just listen! Hey all you diehards! What we have here is a 100, count 'em, 100 song Anthology with songs hand selected from old Electric Grandmother cassettes spanning from the years of 1999-2002. This is an official singular release by the Infinite Number of Sounds Recording Company. The songs are in chronological order, and are arranged by each cassette "album" they appear on. With the   download you will receive a .pdf of fun Electric Grandmother factoids and artwork for each cassette. And as always, this shit is free! Available now! And speaking of shit, these songs have been remastered by Pete Faust (Etep Tsauf) himself, and the original (most of it, Etep drew that cover and did some other bits and pieces) artwork/packaging by Mary Alice Hamnett (Donna Jo Tanner) has been digitally restored (we scanned them). DISCLAIMER: These songs are certainly a bit more "challenging" than the usual EG fare, and may only appeal to a certain segment due to their low-fidelity and zanyness. This ain't "Love in an Escalator." P.S. If you ever wondered where all the Saved By the Bell songs are, they're mostly here.

Michael J. Fox Went to My House

The official release date for The Electric Grandmother anthology "Make a Joyful Noise: The Cassette Recordings 1999-2002" is Tuesday, October 22nd! It'll be available by digital download through the Infinite Number of Sounds Recording Company. Here's a preview of what you're in for, a brand new video for a song from 1999 called "Michael J. Fox Went to My House."

Track Listing for “Make a Joyful Noise”

[caption id="attachment_2632" align="alignleft" width="225"]The cover, in some capacity The cover, in some capacity[/caption]   Here is the track listing for the upcoming Electric Grandmother back catalog release entitled Make a Joyful Noise: The Cassette Recordings - 1999-2002 (or something very similar to that).  It'll be a digital only release by the Infinite Number of Sounds Recording Company.  100 songs, over two and a half hours. The songs are in chronological order, starting from December 1999 and ending in September 2002, and are grouped by each cassette "album" they appear on. There will be more information to come, thanks dudes and dudettes!

Groovin’ on the Jack Move (1999-2000)

1. The Electric Grandmother

2. Eddie “Funky Hunk” Winslow

3. The Smooth Contest

4. A Door Named Dad

5. Carlton Banks

6. Forever - Uncle Jesse cover

7. Brandon vs. Columbia House

8. Outside, Inside

9. The Schroeder Update

10. Max Battimo

11. Michael J. Fox Went to My House

12. Harley Weewax

13. Oh, That Show!

14. Jesse Can Eat Shit

15. Michael Stoyanov

16. Jenna Von Oy

17. Albert Clifford

18. Clip Show

19. Rhyme on Time

20. Judge Phillip Banks

21. Danny Tanner Had a Wife (Original)

22. Ray

23. Tacos and Bowling Are on Me

24. Leanna Creel

Street Man (2000) 25. Touching the Drummer from the Jets

26. There’s a Girl

27. Kubiak

28. Steven Keaton

29. Uncle Of…

30. Max Burger

31. Kelly Kapowski Wants to Sleep With Thee

32. The Five Aces

33. Oh DJ Tanner, You Know How it Goes

34. A.J. and P.D. on the F.P. of B.A.

35. Tony’s Chores Aren’t Done Yet

36. Wreckin’ Tha Mic

37. Michelle Has Bricks For Brains

Four My Friens (2000-2001)

38. Zack Morris Keeps the Status Quo

39. King Ralph

40. Poop on My Pee

41. Jodie Sweetin

42. My Neighbors

43. In a Room

44. I Can’t Help Myself

45. Night Terrors

46. My Skin Hurts

47. Get Well Song For Mrs. Robertson

48. Grandma Diss You (One Man Jam)

49. Bicycle Around Town

50. Walking Through the City

51. Got to Have that Rock n’ Roll

52. You Have a Friend in Me

Marry Me (2001)

53. Remember That Day

Annoying in the Morning (2001-2002)

54. Jeepers Creeps

55. Cement Lunch

56. Doogie’s My Friend

57. AC Pee

58. Fall on Rocks

59. Sea Romp

60. Ride the Wild Dogs

61. Nice Mind

62. Yo Knife, Telephone!

63. Kids Say the Darndest Things!

64. Hi Rudy!

65. Strain

66. Table Reading

67. Sun Shield

68. Windmill

69. Hey Everybody

Mint Jelly/Extra Pootis (2002)

70. My Butler is a Lazy Bum

71. Went to Town

72. Breezy

73. Feel Field

74. Wheelbarrow Hill

75. Grinding to a Halt

76. Design (Original)

77. New Zealand

78. Homework Machine

79. Crustacean Love

America Forges On (2002) 80. Ship on the Sea

81. C’MON!

82. My Husband

83. Last March of the Tired Robots

84. Not Very

85. The Certified Serpent

86. Slater Town

87. Take

88. Gray Bird

89. Piggyback

90. Bob Saget is in My Garage

91. Prequel to a Previous Song

92. My Big Fat Greek Wedding

93. I Directed a Movie With Pauly Shore

94. The Way They’ve Changed

95. Scurry North

96. Stopped

97. Night Court

98. America Forges On

99. Everywhere - Michelle Branch cover

100. The Pee


  daft-punk-signs-to-columbia-plans-to-release-new-album-this-spring-1 At long last, finally, the world can know the genre of Synch, which was invented by some guy who reviews bands and kicks major ass and gets laid. This is the first of what I hope will be the first of many Synch-collaborations between The Electric Grandmother and Washington DC's Catscan!. "Synch," as was decided half an hour ago, is wild, trippy, breakbeat-electro music with lyrics about how awesome you and everyone else is.  It's something you'd want to play for your publicist while they publish your shit.  It helps if you wear sunglasses indoors while listening to Synch, as that shit is cray-cray and could blind you. Without further adieu, here is Big Biz Synch.  Mason from Catscan! provided the breakbeats and synth (synch), which I then manipulated into full Synch-mode, and added the Synch-rhymes. It go like: Big Biz Synch, I want you in my business (2) I think that you're the shit C'mon baby suck my tit Big Biz Synch, I want you in my business See, that's how it goes down in Synch, we dont fuck around with no haters.  Make sure to keep an eye out for these hot young up-and-comers, who are usually tall, blonde, and drop dead gorgeous.  Watch out for that opening band though, because they suck.  They try to be ironic, but they still suck.  They tried to be like they were, but it sucked.  I mean, you know they're trying to be bad, but they sucked.  If they were trying for that, they did it, and did suck.

“Mom, What Are Girls Like?” video!

Tonight at Velvet Lounge!


More Previews of Old Songs

Here are some more previews of old songs that will part of a grandiose digital-only album release on INS Rec Co, hopefully coming by mid-September.  These jams are from 2002, off of a cassette I called America Forges On.  Here: Ship on the Sea C'MON! My Husband Last March of the Tired Robots Not Very The Certified Serpent Slater Town I don't have much to say about the first three songs. "Last March of the Tired Robots" was the first of the songs in the long running "Tired Robot" series.  Although I didn't watch the show at the time, I thought of Bender from Futurama while creating it. "Not Very" and "The Certified Serpent" are about my being fired as a minimum wage employee from Radio Shack.  When first applying for the job, I didn't know I would be required to aggressively sell shit to poor people to earn commission.  I more or less refused to do it, and I got fired after 10 crummy months on the job.  I made $5.15 an hour, and would often open and close the store all by myself.  The job was degrading and emotionally draining, and these songs reflect it.  On the second half of "Serpent," I'm reading a belittling note that I stole from my manager, addressed to her from the district supervisor.  It still makes me cringe to hear it. It was disgusting to me that people could place so much importance on a bunch of nonsense. It's probably the most disturbing song I've ever done, because I was honestly as upset as I sound.  What I'm repeating over the reading of the note is: "Devil's work it has promise for me/If I decide to hang there from the tree." "Slater Town" is a song which references Albert Clifford Slater, from the popular TV series Saved By the Bell.