Things That are Geeky, and What You Should Do Instead

wimp Geek: Looking both ways before crossing the street. Instead: Just cross the street, you don't want to be a geek. Geek: Saying "They can't come to the phone right now" when a stranger calls your house. Instead: Everyone knows that "can't come to the phone" shit means your mom isn't home. You might as well invite the kidnappers over and leave the front door unlocked. Defiantly state, "She isn't here," or make something up, just don't be vague about it. Geek: Calling home to tell your parents where you are. Instead: Fuck that, just go to your friend's house after school and come home when you want. Do you want your friend to make fun of you? Geek: Doing your homework first, so you get it out of the way. Instead: Watch cartoons as soon as you get home. Geek: Having milk with dinner. Instead: Drink pop with dinner. Geek: Eating breakfast before school. Instead: Nothing's cooler than saying "I didn't eat breakfast this morning," it shows that you're independent, and it sounds grown-up. Geek: Coming in from recess as soon as the bell rings. Instead: You want to milk as much time as possible, your class isn't going anywhere.


Pilot – Skis CDs

Valentine2001Boreanaz Here is a new Pilot called Skis CDs from the upcoming album, set for an October release!  Hey! This song is about the 2001 movie Valentine, whose Wikipedia page apparently has an "Irony" section now, which was no doubt created by a person who really, really cares about this movie. If you want a description of the movie, simply look at the picture there of a young David Boreanaz.  Before he was a primetime TV star, we simply knew him as "That freak with big shoulders from Valentine."  There's other people in the movie, but they don't really matter. The title "Skis CDs" comes from something a love interest of one of the girls said while trying to rip off her rich, tan father. He was explaining to her that his roommate threw him out of his apartment, along with all his stuff, including his "Skis, CDs."  The same guy had a history of using women for their money, as is evidenced later in the movie, when he is confronted by a woman who accuses him of ripping her off with a phony start up .com, sarcastically calling it "bleedmedry.com" (domain available).  Both the "Skis, CDs" quote and the bogus URL address are sampled in this song. This is one of those songs where we're not expecting anyone to understand.  It's merely a nuclear assault for the senses.


Fuller House

So I had this dream last that there was this smart-ass fellow who was being threatened with physical violence by two larger men because of something he said to them. It was one of those dreams where it started out that the smart-ass being threatened was me (go figure), but then it changed to another guy later on. The goal of the entire community was to try and distract the two threatening men so that the cute, misunderstood guy could get away safely. So there ended up being a large group of people hatching a plan to distract the two men while the me-guy hid from them. Myself and the group of people determined that the best way to distract the two violent men was to tell one of them that his son had been killed, and that he needed to leave right away. So we told one of the men that his son had been killed, and he got adequately upset and departed. A large cheer went up as the two men disappeared from sight, and the hiding fellow emerged, covered in dirt but safe. I ran over and gave him a hug, and he was subsequently tackled by the rest of the supporting crowd. As we continued to celebrate, we started to sing this tune where we repeated "We kicked their ass!" over and over. I woke from the dream with the melody still in my head, and so I got up and sang it into my hand-held digital recorder. It was then that I determined that the melody, and subsequent rhythmic bassline that I groggily came up with would be used for the final song I'll write for the new EG album, and it will be about the upcoming series "Fuller House." What better way to celebrate the new Full House-spinoff than to write a song about it in advance.
Thank you, good night, and good luck.
fuller


Pilot – Three Men and a Baby

three-men-a-baby-ghost-large-ted-danson-urban-legend Hello man.  The album is coming up hard and fast, looking at either September or October for the release.  We got Three Men And a Baby here, a brand new music song that we debuted at Rap Round Robin.  You know about the ghost boy, and everything. Download Now! ----> Three Men And a Baby


Pilot – Someone’s Gonna Need Surgery

last week This here pilot is presented in honor of Netflix's terrible idea to dig up the corpse of the mighty Full House, the sitcomcoriest show that ever Sitcom-Cored. A bad idea, eh Grannies?  Yeah, because it can only be marginally less stupid than The Growing Pains Movie.  My bandmate and I were just discussing how in the year 200o when that Growing Pains movie aired, it was a time of limbo.  The Sitcom-Core era as we knew it had long been over - that era, which can be quickly defined as TV that was "blissfully unaware," had expired and given way to the "winky winky" TV era, with every show attempting to be witty and urbane.  The formulaic innocence was lost (we theorize) when Seinfeld hit it's stride.  As good as Seinfeld was, it was probably too good, and equivalent to Nirvana coming along and blowing 80's hair-metal out of the water.  And since we do live in a "post-Nirvana" TV sitcom landscape, I can only imagine a Full House revival would be nothing more than a practice in cognitive dissonance.  Two versions of Full House cannot exist in this world, it's too volatile.  We'll watch it, of course. So about this song, Someone's Gonna Need Surgery.  I had a dream one night about a Full House moment that never happened - Danny was singing a bizarre song while playing guitar, and Joey started singing along in a Kermit the Frog voice, saying "Someone's Gonna Need Surgery!," implying that Danny was going nuts, and would need surgery (presumably on his brain) to bring him back to sanity.  So I wrote a song around that phrase exactly as it sounded in my dream, and decided that it should be about the final two-part episode of Full House, where Michelle gets thrown from a horse that she was riding and develops amnesia. The song laments the fact that Michelle survived the accident, but celebrates the fact that Michelle will likely need surgery. horse3 The lyrics are generally pretty throwaway, it's all a ploy to repeat "Someone's Gonna Need Surgery!" in a Dave Coulier-imitating-Kermit the Frog voice. Download Now! --->>> Someone's Gonna Need Surgery


Eater

Retro Eat Sign Thunderstorm The slow speed at which I ate food as a kid was legendary.  My mom once recounted a story that she heard from a teacher/lunchroom monitor at my elementary school: A boy's mother was expressing concern to her that her son wouldn't eat fast enough at lunch to keep up with the other kids, and the monitor assured her, "Don't worry, no one eats slower than Peter Faust."  And it's true, I often was the last person remaining in the cafeteria before heading out to recess. There are a few prevailing theories to why I would eat so slow: 1. I march to the beat of my own drum machine, and I don't give a flying fuck about meeting the demands of fucking fascists. 2. I was easily distracted, and I would space out and forget about eating. 3. I guess there's actually only two.  I also think I didn't have a big appetite.  I was kind of a scrawny fella, remember. 4. Unlike some of the other kids, I would finish my lunch entirely.  The idea of throwing parts of my lunch away never occurred to me. So, that's kind of a bummer, right people?  No, ya gotta be ashamed of eating slow!  Thanks everyone, I really needed to be reminded that I eat really slow, and that I'm an embarrassment to you and society in general. Once when I was finished eating my lunch, I headed outside for recess and I saw these two girls laughing at me.  "You just finished your lunch?," one of them giggled.  Her name was Lindsay.  FUCK you Lindsay for reinforcing gender roles.  Sure, if I cram a steak down my throat in three seconds, you'll get all excited and want to make sweet love to me. And as it turns out, eating slow is regarded as a positive thing in adulthood.  Now that I don't eat particularly slowly, they're telling me to because it's better for your metabolism.  I know I made this joke already once before, but there ya have it, the misunderstood genius is once again trampled by the ignorant masses.  And while we're on the subject of eating, you can all eat my fucking ass.


Pilot – YO PALM SPRINGS

yopalm Here's yet another new pilot called YO PALM SPRINGS, the subject matter combines a Palm Springs episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air as well as Saved By the Bell.  In the above picture, Will is saying "YO PALM SPRINGS," in anticipation of his visit.  It's part of a classic episode from the first season of the show called "Mistaken Identity." saved-by-the-bell-exercise The Saved By the Bell part (the first verse/sample) is from an episode called Palm Springs Weekend - that hyperlink there links to some batshit blog with great pictures of the episode. This is one of those where I'm really not concerned whether or not people know what I'm talking about our understand what I'm saying.  Should be a good one live, Mary Alice is already working on the projection. PEACE Download Now! ---> YO PALM SPRINGS whattttttt


Pilot – The Grand Opening of Johnny Depp’s Viper Room

jd Actor Johnny Depp just opened a new club on Sunset Strip in West Hollywood.  To commemorate this occasion, here is a musical tribute called The Grand Opening of Johnny Depp's Viper Room. Download Now! -----> The Grand Opening of Johnny Depp's Viper Room


Pilot – We Here at NASA

nasa Here's a new pilot called We Here at NASA.  It has a drum beat that has been kicking around for almost two years, and it finally has a home.  I came up with the lyrics in a daze one recent weekday morning, they are as follows: We here at the Church of Scientology think that you have much better things to do We here at the San Francisco DMV will see you at the San Diego Zoo You can make your baby love you, but you can't predict the rain You may whisper to Cat Stevens, but you can't forget the pain We here at NASA want you to believe in us, cuz we believe in everything you do It contains a sample from the Saved By the Bell episode "The Fight," taken from the very scene where it goes down between Zack and Slater, while the Bayside girls plead for some semblance of order.  The line "We Here at NASA" is taken from an old Electric Grandmother song called "Spaceman" from 2003.  Hope you like it, and if you don't, it's only about 1:10 long.  And yes, the tabloids are correct in reporting on a new EG album coming sometime this Summer. Download Now! ----->>>We Here at NASA


There Goes My Hero

coward Many years ago I was watching this movie about a war (and I have no idea what it was, so please tell me if you do), where a firefight broke out on the ground between US troops and whoever the enemy was.  While the majority of the US troops advanced on the enemy and risked their lives in the battle, this one dude panicked and was like "Fuck this!,"  and ran the other direction and hid in a fox hole until the gunfire stopped ringing out.  At first, the other troops didn't know what he did, but eventually they were on to him, and he was eventually exposed for being a "coward." I really felt empathy for that guy, because that would've been me during a war.  I'd of been the "Fuck this!" guy who ran the other way and hid.  I felt bad when the others found out what he did.  He was just scared.  Is that so wrong?  A bunch of people he didn't know were shooting machine guns at him for what was very likely a stupid cause. If not wanting to die in the name of such an abstract concept as "Patriotism" is wrong, call me Mr. Wrong.  I understand about standing by your friends - that's why I think it would be a good idea for ALL of us underprivileged 20-year olds from rural Nebraska to be like "Fuck this!," and run the other way.  Do you think those rich people who put us up to this would risk their lives?  Fuck them, and fuck this. They tricked us into this, and now we're getting the fuck out of here. It reminds me of an incident that took place when I was at 6th grade camp.  The teachers wanted us students to participate in an "Alligator Hunt," which entailed walking waist deep in a river for miles until a stuffed alligator toy was found.  I wasn't a very good swimmer, and I was a short kid, so I was concerned "waist deep" would mean "neck deep" for me.  When I got to the edge of the river to go in, I said "Fuck this, I'm not doing it." My cabin partner/friend didn't want to do it either, but he eventually and very gingerly walked in and disappeared down the river.  That to me is more cowardly, thank you very much. He was too chickenshit to turn away. So while all those other kids ended up filthy and freezing, me and a few other geeks ended up dry and happy back at the cabin. So let that be a lesson to you kids, it's important to learn the value of "Fuck this!," because fuck them.  


AMERICAN SNIPER

AMERICAN-SNIPER   PEW PEW PEW PEW!!! 9/11 clown Army Tank Photo - 06 fam


Pilot – Bill and Hillary Clinton Making Out in a Hot Tub Filled With Poop and Pee

billhill Here's a new demo called Bill and Hillary Clinton Making Out in a Hot Tub Filled With Poop and Pee.  It kind of happened organically.  That picture there was just good fortune. Download! ---> Bill and Hillary Clinton Making Out in a Hot Tub Filled With Poop and Pee  


Electric Grandmother is an Obnoxious 15 Year Old Couple

15yrold While washing my crotch in the shower this afternoon, it occurred to me that it's been 15 years since The Electric Grandmother was conceived.  What started off as a solo home recording project has turned into a world famous husband-wife musical duo.  It was December 1999 when I made the first Electric Grandmother tape called "Groovin' on the Jack Move," named after a phrased muttered by the late great Wesley Willis.  (Selections from that tape as well as others made through 2002 are available to hear here). Since we started Electric Grandmother as a live act in 2004, I can honestly say that the best part of it all has been all the awesome friends we've made over the years.  We're some of the luckiest damn people in the world.  That's all that really matters, it's far greater than the American Music Awards we've received. One of the most important things I've learned over the years is how important it is to treat other people kindly.  The underground music scene is not the socialist-utopia I presumed it was in my early 20's, it's a lot like high school: People grappling for position, wanting to be more important than others, trying to fill a void in themselves by putting people down.  I tell you this my friends - the cynics will always lose, because like the rest of us, they won't be here one day.  We haven't got time to be opportunistic at the expense of others, because we don't live forever.  That's another important thing I've learned. Be excellent to each other. [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_yJFLvmjJY[/embed]


The Grand Opening of Johnny Depp’s New Club, The Viper Room

river6n-9-web


Tips For Dealing With Collection Agencies

directcollections_4 It occurred to me recently that I've pretty much mastered the art of dealing with collection agencies.  To be fair, I'm not referring to overdue credit card balances, or anything else that potentially would harm you long term.  I'm talking about instances where you haven't been actually charged by your bank and had a credit deposit, I'm talking about instances where you basically owe money in theory.  To use an old example, the now defunct Columbia House Record Club and their "12 CDs for a penny" deal.  You signed an agreement to buy CDs later at full price, but you hadn't actually been charged anything. So here now are Pete's tips for beating a collection agency: Tip #1: You don't owe the Collection Agency fucking shit Collection agencies are hired by the company you owe money to.  Those inflated bills that they mail you/call you about includes their fee they've added in, because that's the amount they are charging the company for their services, and so it follows that the company that hired them wants you to foot the bill.  If you choose to pay the company anything, pay them directly and ignore the collection agency notices.  Once that happens, the notices will stop coming, because you personally don't owe the collection agencies fucking shit. Tip #2: You can wait out the calls, and they'll eventually stop It used to be that a collection agency could call you at home 15 times a day to collect, which would result in more bills being paid to avoid nervous breakdowns.  Nowadays with cell phones being the norm, you can see who's calling you and choose to not pick up the phone.  Oh, they'll still call you 15 times a day, and on top of it they'll call using different phone numbers.  I found a relatively simple solution:  Label all the unknown numbers you get, so they're easier to ignore.  I had a list of "Jerks #1-#7" on my phone, many of which who have been trying to collect for several years now.  Instead of furrowing my brow at an unrecognized number, I got the satisfaction of seeing the word "Jerks" show up on my caller ID every time one of those jerks called.  So hang tight on that $400 bill from 2004 that you owe the Ohio State Medical Center, they'll eventually wear themselves out and stop calling. Tip #3: Read this article I found, which sums some things up nicelyhttp://www.debt.org/credit/collection-agencies/secrets/ Tip #4: Check this Love in An Escalator outtake, from 2010.  (The song eventually became what is known as "Reagan's Got the Bomb." Collection Agency <---- Click here Lyriques: I won’t pay, kiss my ass I’ll just sit at home and laugh You’ll just have to take a bath On what you say I owe I won’t pay a bit For this made up shit Get your records straight And get the fuck off of my phone Tip #5: Fuck the collection agencies, they're a bunch of wimps, stay strong, you can do it hand


Douglas…

Douglas, do not shoot James Sikking, now go to bed. 1924957_10204944456667887_6688754657365899960_n


Fogsville

This teacher I had in middle school used to call me "Fogsville," because I always looked spaced out.  What an awful person she was.


Madonna Was Once Just Like You

madonna This is the story of how Madonna went from being a dishwasher in Brooklyn to arguably the biggest star in the world.  It all started with a dream, a dream that was realized when her manager saw her perform at a talent show.  The message is to never give up, because Madonna was once just like you. Your dreams won't chase themselves. Download now!-->>Madonna Was Once Just Like You


The Bodyguard

the-bodyguard1 Here's a demo of a new song called The Bodyguard.  It's from the perspective of the woman, who is trying to come to terms with letting the Bodyguard go.  She knows that they are not good for each other, and that the Bodyguard has acted far too selflessly towards her, and that the Bodyguard needs to put himself first for once.  Also, she notes that "I won't run to you anyway," indicating that any effort on his part would be in vain.   Download now! ----->>>> The Bodyguard


Part 2 of the Pilot Waves interview!

https://soundcloud.com/pilotwaves/electric-grandmother-part-2?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=twitter